Somewhat of a Dilemma

This is more of a parenting entry...

Lately, I feel as though I'm not doing enough for G's development. I play with him, dance with him, read to him, do tummy time, etc...but sometimes I feel as though I've been at it for hours when it's only been 30 minutes or so, and then I run out of things to keep him occupied. I also will let him play on his own for some time, so I can get some stuff done around the house, etc. I'm trying not to put him in front of the TV too often, but I still feel as if I'm not doing enough. Does anyone else feel that way?

Also, I don't have him on a nap schedule yet. I've been very lucky, as G is a great sleeper. He's been sleeping through the night since he was about 4 weeks old, and naps throughout the day, but at no regular time. If he's fussy, I lie down with him on the couch or put him in his swing and he's asleep in minutes. Or, if we're on a walk, which he loves, he eventually falls asleep as well. However, I'm not sure if this is developing unhealthy sleeping habits, as he's not in his crib. Thoughts?

Gah...parenting is wonderful, but tough. So much questioning of myself. I'm interested to see feedback, if anyone has any to offer.

You've got mail

I got my first Mother's Day card today. A Mother's Day card? For me? Seriously?

It was sent by my oldest friend and his wife. I'm so truly touched by their kindness in sending. I'm also floored when I think about how lucky I am, and how two years ago on Mother's Day, I had gotten my period after thinking that things had finally worked and was devastated.

Funny how things work sometimes.

Religion, Faith and IVF

Ugh, I'm coming in a little late on NIAW, and I had every intention on having this post finished in time. So, a day late and a dollar short, here it is:

In honor of National Infertility Awarness Week, I bring to you a post about religion and faith and infertility.

A few weeks ago, my mother brought to my attention an opinion piece in our local Catholic publication regarding IVF. Normally a hard-line Catholic, my mom was infuriated by what this priest had written. Now, I know that in its basic teachings, the Church is opposed to IVF. This was something I struggled with when starting on my journey to Gavin, but eventually put those concerns aside, as I believe that my God would not deny me the ability to have my own child when I was so ready and willing to have one. I would just have to go about it in a different way than most people.

After a while, I logged on and read the piece and was seething with anger by the time I finished. It is a complete and utter condemmnation of those who choose this route.

Now, my faith is extremely important to me, but going through this entire infertility/IVF process has really made me re-examine my faith and the teachings of my Church. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through 12th Grade and also attended a Catholic affiliated college. I have found solace in Religon many times over throughout my lifetime. I have travelled to see the Pope twice, participated in Youth Ministry, and was a cantor and Eucharistic Minister throughout my teenage years. I married a non-Catholic, but continued to attend Church on my own. When I received my infertility diagnoisis, I turned to God and said prayer upon prayer to help us through the process.

Although my child was "created" by science, I believe that science was directed by our love and ultimately by God. If my boy was not meant to be, then he would not be.

Now, I do understand where this priest is coming from in terms of adoption. There are indeed many children out there looking for a loving home. This is something that the Barron and I seriously considered, and we still have not ruled it out for future children. However, the adoption process is almost more time consuming and difficult than IVF, and we were not willing to take that route without at least trying for our own biological child.

I do still go to Church occasionally, but my feeling when there has changed significantly. I no longer feel the comfort and solace that I once felt while sitting in the pew. I almost see Church now as a doorway to direct communication with God. A God that I feel, could never look at my son as anything less than a miracle. And this is what keeps my faith alive, while my religion has somewhat lapsed.

Thinking of miracles

Sometimes when I'm lying on the couch with Gavin on my chest and he is just looking up at my face, I can't help but think that I had no business having this child, yet here he is. And then, I always feel like crying. I just love this little boy so much.

I haven't posted all that much recently...G's been keeping me busy, and work is nuts. I just can't seem to string enough coherent thoughts together to make an interesting post. Although, I do have a few drafts started, which I do intend on posting soon.

Right now though, all I can seem to think is, "Good Lord, where is the time going?"

...and, when and if I want to give it another go.

What a difference a year makes

Monday, March 31 2008

Tuesday, March 31 2009


Thank you, God.
(and Science too!)

Slainte

Last year, I wrote this, and then this. It was not a happy St. Patrick's Day. Now, I have this:

May the luck of the Irish be with you!

90%

My son is a big boy.

We just got back from the doctors, where Gavin got 3 more immunizations (and Mommy shed a few tears over the needles). Other than that, I found out that my son is a giant. He's 14.5 lbs and 24.75 inches. Basically, he's almost half my height! Sad.

All of this puts him in the 90th percentile.

He handled his needles like a champ and is still sleeping in his car seat in the living room. I'll let him rest - he had a rough day.

Other than that, things are going well. Gavin is now 10 weeks old - he smiles, coos like crazy and is almost at the point where he can roll over. I am having a dilemma though. Should I be putting him on his belly more? I keep reading that he should be able to push himself up on his arms by now, and he can't. Actually, he'd rather just lie there and suck on his fists...heh.

He's got amazing head control and neck strength otherwise, but doesn't really push up when I put him on his belly. Any thoughts?

He went to his first St. Patrick's Day parade this weekend and was the hit of the party! I thought he might freak out with all of the people, but he was just great. I've also discovered that he's quite a flirt with the ladies.

Well, he's waking up now, and it's bottle time, so I must be going.