In dreams...

So, I had a dream two nights ago that we were doing IVF again. I woke up the next morning and realized...

I'm ready.

Financially, we'll be waiting until the New Year (hopefully a decent tax return will help). But, I think we need to get the ball rolling soon, as my clock is legitimately ticking...loudly. And, I'm pretty sure that I'm finally OK with it.

Wow...just wow

You know, this was always in the back of my head when going through IVF, but I've never heard of it really happening!

Mother Given Wrong Embryo in IVF Mix-Up

Good on them for giving the baby to the genetic parents, but God...how do you even deal with it? To get that news, and then find out that it's not your actual baby? Gah.

Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer

It's hot.

Really hot.

Stifling.

I don't think that I have ever sweat as much as I have in this past week. TMI? I don't care. I think the fact that we have been relatively spoiled here in NY this summer with moderate temperatures, led us to get kicked in the ass this week when the heat wave hit. Poor little G doesn't know what to do with himself. He's also in the middle of teething (again), which isn't helping. This has led to a number of sleepless nights for us, but I think we're almost over that hump.

So, the trip? Went extremely well. I handled it a lot better than I thought. It was a little tough to say goodbye, but by the time I was on the plane, I was fine. I called home each night to check in only to hear how much of a good boy he was being.

We had a great time - I definitely recommend getting away for a few days if you haven't yet and have a baby at home. Recharges the relationship and makes you feel like yourself, instead of "mommy" again. Needless to say, we're already looking forward to our next venture.

Last weekend, we took our annual family trip to an Irish Festival in upstate NY, and brought G. It was a 4 day, 3 night excursion, and you would think we were leaving for a year with the amount of stuff I brought for G. The Barron and I had one bag and a cooler. The rest was for baby. If we ever have another kid, we'll have to get yet a bigger car. Heh.

Work is becoming progressively more difficult to get done on days when I don't have help. Grandparents are here watching G on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is when I have my conference calls. I work the rest of the week when I can (naps, playtime, morning, night), but G is becoming more needy for my attention and I'm not getting done what I need to. Essentially, I'm supposed to be working full-time from home, but I haven't been for a while, and I'm waiting for it to catch up to me.

Because of this, we have made the decision to put G in daycare 2 days a week (Mon & Wed). Two of our closest friends have their children in the same daycare. It is one woman who runs it out of her home, and they speak very highly of her. She lives about 2 minutes from my house, and only has 4 children max on a daily basis. She works "teacher hours", so I would have G back home by 3PM. This has been a hard decision for me, as I thought I'd be able to handle the working from home and being a mom, but it's just not working the way I would like it to. I think he'll do great there, and he'll get to socialize with other kids, which isn't happening much currently. We still need to meet with her, but I'm thinking he'll be set by mid-end of Sept and I'll be able to get more done. I plan on taking Fridays off completely and just spending it with G full-time.

So, that's about it from me. I know I haven't been posting much, but I am still reading up on all of your adventures...hope you are all enjoying your summers!

Leavin' on a jet plane...

So, the Barron and I are going on a short vacation this weekend. We're heading down to New Orleans on Friday - Monday and leaving G home with his Grandparents. I'm so excited I could burst, but I also know that I will probably spend the entire flight down in tears. I'm gonna miss my boy.

I think we are definitely doing this at the right time. If we don't go now, we'll never go. I have friends who are going on their first solo trip since their son was born (he's 3 and a half). Barron and I used to take trips all the time and it's been rough on us not being able to just get away and focus on us. It should be a nice break.

Gavin loves his GP's and sees each set of them once a week, so I don't think it'll be an issue for him. I'm not nervous about their care either, as they are very familiar with how to take care of him. It's not making it any easier to leave though. I'm giving him tons of extra kisses and hugs this week to make up for it!

As for my not so little guy, who is 7 MONTHS old today, he's doing great. As of our last doctor visit, he is 19 lbs, 13 oz, and 29 inches long. He's rolling all over the place and is very vocal! I'm also pretty sure he's close to crawling, which is scaring the crap out of me. Gotta start babyproofing.

I'm doing well, although I'm starting to realize that working from home and raising a child is harder than I thought it would be. I do have help two days a week from grandparents, but on the other three days, I work when I can. This has become a bit of a problem, because I am not the worker I once was, but I also feel the need to be with my son. Things may have to change down the line, but I'm not sure how. I may need to put G in daycare for a few days in order to get my work done. Just a thought. I'd hate to do it, but it may be what we all need.

Then there's the issue of baby #2. As I noted once before, my OB/GYN suggested not waiting more than a year to try again, as I responded poorly to my first cycle (even though it worked). The Barron recently started a new job which allows us three IVF cycles, but I'm not sure I'm ready to go down that road yet. I always wanted a nice gap between children, but I know it's not a possibility for me. Plus, I'm in no rush to go through all that again. We're going to discuss at the end of the summer to see what our next steps are. We'll see.

Somewhat of a Dilemma

This is more of a parenting entry...

Lately, I feel as though I'm not doing enough for G's development. I play with him, dance with him, read to him, do tummy time, etc...but sometimes I feel as though I've been at it for hours when it's only been 30 minutes or so, and then I run out of things to keep him occupied. I also will let him play on his own for some time, so I can get some stuff done around the house, etc. I'm trying not to put him in front of the TV too often, but I still feel as if I'm not doing enough. Does anyone else feel that way?

Also, I don't have him on a nap schedule yet. I've been very lucky, as G is a great sleeper. He's been sleeping through the night since he was about 4 weeks old, and naps throughout the day, but at no regular time. If he's fussy, I lie down with him on the couch or put him in his swing and he's asleep in minutes. Or, if we're on a walk, which he loves, he eventually falls asleep as well. However, I'm not sure if this is developing unhealthy sleeping habits, as he's not in his crib. Thoughts?

Gah...parenting is wonderful, but tough. So much questioning of myself. I'm interested to see feedback, if anyone has any to offer.

You've got mail

I got my first Mother's Day card today. A Mother's Day card? For me? Seriously?

It was sent by my oldest friend and his wife. I'm so truly touched by their kindness in sending. I'm also floored when I think about how lucky I am, and how two years ago on Mother's Day, I had gotten my period after thinking that things had finally worked and was devastated.

Funny how things work sometimes.

Religion, Faith and IVF

Ugh, I'm coming in a little late on NIAW, and I had every intention on having this post finished in time. So, a day late and a dollar short, here it is:

In honor of National Infertility Awarness Week, I bring to you a post about religion and faith and infertility.

A few weeks ago, my mother brought to my attention an opinion piece in our local Catholic publication regarding IVF. Normally a hard-line Catholic, my mom was infuriated by what this priest had written. Now, I know that in its basic teachings, the Church is opposed to IVF. This was something I struggled with when starting on my journey to Gavin, but eventually put those concerns aside, as I believe that my God would not deny me the ability to have my own child when I was so ready and willing to have one. I would just have to go about it in a different way than most people.

After a while, I logged on and read the piece and was seething with anger by the time I finished. It is a complete and utter condemmnation of those who choose this route.

Now, my faith is extremely important to me, but going through this entire infertility/IVF process has really made me re-examine my faith and the teachings of my Church. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through 12th Grade and also attended a Catholic affiliated college. I have found solace in Religon many times over throughout my lifetime. I have travelled to see the Pope twice, participated in Youth Ministry, and was a cantor and Eucharistic Minister throughout my teenage years. I married a non-Catholic, but continued to attend Church on my own. When I received my infertility diagnoisis, I turned to God and said prayer upon prayer to help us through the process.

Although my child was "created" by science, I believe that science was directed by our love and ultimately by God. If my boy was not meant to be, then he would not be.

Now, I do understand where this priest is coming from in terms of adoption. There are indeed many children out there looking for a loving home. This is something that the Barron and I seriously considered, and we still have not ruled it out for future children. However, the adoption process is almost more time consuming and difficult than IVF, and we were not willing to take that route without at least trying for our own biological child.

I do still go to Church occasionally, but my feeling when there has changed significantly. I no longer feel the comfort and solace that I once felt while sitting in the pew. I almost see Church now as a doorway to direct communication with God. A God that I feel, could never look at my son as anything less than a miracle. And this is what keeps my faith alive, while my religion has somewhat lapsed.