Monday, October 27, 2008

Overreact much?

Here's how I spent my Sunday afternoon:

I went to Walgreens to pick up some necessities, and when I got out of the car, my pants were all wet (my jeans leg). The crotch wasn't really wet, but the leg was wet in a spot where it would normally be wet if one had peed their pants. Now, it had rained the night before, and I was checking all over my car to see if maybe I had bumped something and gotten myself wet, but I couldn't determine that and started to freak.

We had our Childbirth Education class on Saturday, at which the nurse warned that any fluid leakage should be treated as an emergency. So, I went home and asked the Barron what he thought - he thought it was in a weird spot too and agreed w/ me that maybe we should call the

I call, Dr. says - "get to the hospital - if your water broke, you just bought yourself an admission until this baby is born".

So, now I'm hysterical..."I'm going to miss my nephews wedding (this weekend), "I'm going to miss Thanksgiving", "nothing is ready!", "how will I work?", and of course fear for the baby.

I get admitted to hospital, hooked up to monitors, etc. Then, I have a pelvic exam.



Nothing. In fact, I have plenty of fluid, so much so that when my water actually does break it'll be a huge mess.

Baby is happy and moving around (and we saw it's cute little face!)

So, basically, I must have wiped up against something somehow and got my pants wet and spent two hours in the hospital for nothing.

However, the nurses said I was right to come in and check.

I still feel like an idiot though.

I can't wait to just have this kid out of my body (at it's correct time, though!).

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

365 Days

One year ago today, I started this blog. I was in a bad place and needed somewhere to put my frustrations down in writing. I never really expected anyone to read them, nor actually take the time to respond or commiserate.

A year later, I sit here; 30 weeks pregnant with this baby that has been so wanted for so long by so many, but most especially by myself and my husband. We have been through so much, but it has truly been an amazing journey. I don't think I would trade it, either. Although painful and not understood by so many people, infertility has made me a stronger person, and I honestly think I'll be a better parent for it. Call me naive, but I do. I have learned to appreciate so many things on this journey, and feel like I take less for granted than I ever have.

I am so grateful to all of you who read and comment here. I truly feel like I can call many of you my friends, without ever personally meeting you! I find myself talking to hubby at night about Sara's strength and ongoing struggle to keep Spot inside for as long as possible, JJ's struggles and joys over Ron (and her hubby's Pearl Jam obsession, which my husband shares), Tara's witty stories and similar experiences with family, and my respect for Kym for doing what she does. There's so many others as well, and I have to say that I don't think I could have gotten through most of this without you. Friends and family here know our situation, but no one can appreciate it as much as someone who has been there.

Also, today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day. I am very fortunate to never have to experience this first hand, but to those who have, I remember you today, admire your strength, and pray that you find peace.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

30 Weeks - Random Musings

October 4, 2007. I go in to the hospital to have my Lap & Hysteroscopy and am later diagnosed with diminished ovarian quality.

October 4, 2008. My baby shower.

I am getting bigger by the day and feel disgusting.

My body is voluptuous and I feel sexy.

I am afraid of change - good, bad, you name it. I don't handle it well.

I can't wait to meet this baby.

I wish I had more time.

I want it here tomorrow.

I am worried about how my marriage will change.

I can't wait to see how this changes our marriage.

I'm going to be a terrible mother.

I'm going to kick ass at this mothering stuff.

I am petrified.

I am elated.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Showers of happiness

Saturday was my baby shower! It was a complete and total surprise, especially since I'm still more than 2 months away from my due date. However, being that my due date is smack dab in the middle of the Holiday season, and we have a big wedding coming up in early November in my family, it turned out to be the perfect time.

I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I am with the generosity of family and friends who were there. Everyone is so excited about our little cheesecake and can't wait to meet it. It really was a wonderful shower, and I was so happy to be able to spend some time with everyone in the middle of the chaos. We (well, the baby) got beautiful gifts, and let me tell you, this baby is going to be better dressed than either of it's parents!

Everything else is going well. Work is busy (as usual), and I'm trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible in the next month or so to prepare. Working in marketing at the beginning of a financially disastrous Q4 makes for a stressful time.

The baby is moving and grooving, but there are some days where it decides to be lazy and I tend to get all panicky. I know I'm probably just overreacting, but I would much rather this child be kicking me 24/7 than not.

I've been keeping up with everyone else's goings-on out there, and am happy to see that things are going well (or as well as can be) for all of you.

It's almost 10PM here and I should be finishing up some work (and paying more attention to the Presidental Debate), so I'm going to take my leave now. More soon.