Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Somewhat of a Dilemma

This is more of a parenting entry...

Lately, I feel as though I'm not doing enough for G's development. I play with him, dance with him, read to him, do tummy time, etc...but sometimes I feel as though I've been at it for hours when it's only been 30 minutes or so, and then I run out of things to keep him occupied. I also will let him play on his own for some time, so I can get some stuff done around the house, etc. I'm trying not to put him in front of the TV too often, but I still feel as if I'm not doing enough. Does anyone else feel that way?

Also, I don't have him on a nap schedule yet. I've been very lucky, as G is a great sleeper. He's been sleeping through the night since he was about 4 weeks old, and naps throughout the day, but at no regular time. If he's fussy, I lie down with him on the couch or put him in his swing and he's asleep in minutes. Or, if we're on a walk, which he loves, he eventually falls asleep as well. However, I'm not sure if this is developing unhealthy sleeping habits, as he's not in his crib. Thoughts?

Gah...parenting is wonderful, but tough. So much questioning of myself. I'm interested to see feedback, if anyone has any to offer.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

You've got mail

I got my first Mother's Day card today. A Mother's Day card? For me? Seriously?

It was sent by my oldest friend and his wife. I'm so truly touched by their kindness in sending. I'm also floored when I think about how lucky I am, and how two years ago on Mother's Day, I had gotten my period after thinking that things had finally worked and was devastated.

Funny how things work sometimes.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Religion, Faith and IVF

Ugh, I'm coming in a little late on NIAW, and I had every intention on having this post finished in time. So, a day late and a dollar short, here it is:

In honor of National Infertility Awarness Week, I bring to you a post about religion and faith and infertility.

A few weeks ago, my mother brought to my attention an opinion piece in our local Catholic publication regarding IVF. Normally a hard-line Catholic, my mom was infuriated by what this priest had written. Now, I know that in its basic teachings, the Church is opposed to IVF. This was something I struggled with when starting on my journey to Gavin, but eventually put those concerns aside, as I believe that my God would not deny me the ability to have my own child when I was so ready and willing to have one. I would just have to go about it in a different way than most people.

After a while, I logged on and read the piece and was seething with anger by the time I finished. It is a complete and utter condemmnation of those who choose this route.

Now, my faith is extremely important to me, but going through this entire infertility/IVF process has really made me re-examine my faith and the teachings of my Church. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through 12th Grade and also attended a Catholic affiliated college. I have found solace in Religon many times over throughout my lifetime. I have travelled to see the Pope twice, participated in Youth Ministry, and was a cantor and Eucharistic Minister throughout my teenage years. I married a non-Catholic, but continued to attend Church on my own. When I received my infertility diagnoisis, I turned to God and said prayer upon prayer to help us through the process.

Although my child was "created" by science, I believe that science was directed by our love and ultimately by God. If my boy was not meant to be, then he would not be.

Now, I do understand where this priest is coming from in terms of adoption. There are indeed many children out there looking for a loving home. This is something that the Barron and I seriously considered, and we still have not ruled it out for future children. However, the adoption process is almost more time consuming and difficult than IVF, and we were not willing to take that route without at least trying for our own biological child.

I do still go to Church occasionally, but my feeling when there has changed significantly. I no longer feel the comfort and solace that I once felt while sitting in the pew. I almost see Church now as a doorway to direct communication with God. A God that I feel, could never look at my son as anything less than a miracle. And this is what keeps my faith alive, while my religion has somewhat lapsed.