When it rains....

In the last week, I have lost three clients. Those three clients equal almost $5K of my monthly salary. This is a big blow for me, especially considering the fact that I am scheduled to meet for my IVF consult in a week. I knew that this was inevitable - it's the nature of my work (I work from home as an outsourced marketing professional), but I've been riding high for so long. What's worse is that these are clients who I never expected to leave. These were the solid ones. So now, I'm left with some shaky clients who may still bail, a $3K per month mortgage and IVF fees coming down the pipeline. I'd love to just put IVF on hold, but my effing body and it's rapidly aging ovaries are not going to let that happen. I feel the walls closing in. I can't cope right now. Panic is setting in.

The time is now

Well, I'm back. My time in Ireland was amazing and relaxing. No email, no cell phone (too cheap to buy an international plan), and no thoughts about the big IVF. Now, I'm home. I'm giving this month one more shot, and when AF arrives (which she will), I'll be calling the RE to get this show on the road. I'm scared and excited and most prominently, nervous. I'm nervous that this is my last shot. I may never get the chance to carry my own child inside me. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.