There's a WEEK for this?

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week! I had no idea there even was one. Too bad it's already 3/4 of the way over. I obtained this information from another woman's blog. Shouldn't this information be more readily available to the public? Oh well.

Speaking of blogs, in my quest to find out everything IVF, I've been reading the blogs of a number of brave women, who have blogged candidly (and sometimes hilariously) about their struggles with infertility, their disappointments and their accomplishments. I plan on getting a blogroll together shortly so that anyone who visits me will be sure to check some of these women out. They are so much better than I am at putting all of this into words.

I have also throughly petrified myself by researching the medication and number of needles needed to even start the IVF process. Good Lord! I have a huge phobia of needles, and the hub isn't much better. Jeez, I don't know how we're going to do this...but, we will.

The internet - a blessing and a curse

I work online. All day, every day, I am on the internet researching, reporting and yes, slacking off. Generally most of my slacking is done by reading celebrity gossip blogs and the like. My dirty little secret though is that I have a bookmark folder called "preggo stuff". This folder contains the sites trendy maternity designers, baby announcements, nursery furnishings, baby clothes, etc. I started it back in July of 06 when we started on this journey. I never thought it'd be sitting stagnant for so long. Now, I'm trying to decide if I should delete it...maybe I can archive it, so I still have the resources, if the day ever comes.

Anyway, lately, I've been bookmarking infertility blogs and sites about IVF and premature menopause. It's funny, but the last thing really has me upset. All of the side-effects of menopause are things that I never thought I'd have to experience before I was 50, and now it's a reality that I may be facing this in 5 -10 years. What will become of me? Will I still be attractive to my husband when I am no longer fertile and my sex drive is affected (not that I'm all that wild and crazy, but still).

All this information at my fingertips, causing me to slowly go mad....a blessing and a curse, indeed.

So THAT'S the problem!

My eggs are rotten.

That's pretty much the deal. Went to the RE yesterday for a follow up after my laparoscopy, and that's the information I got.

Basically, he showed us a video of my lap. I knew something was wrong immediately when he was scrolling through the tape (yes, a videotape - hello, 21st century!!!) of other patients laps and said to me "that's not yours - I know it when I see it". So obviously, something is up. And it is. It seems that my ovaries, like the rest of me, are small. Small and unhealthy. Resulting in unhealthy eggs.

This means a number of things.
It is very difficult, but not impossible for me to get pregnant the natural way
IVF is the recommended option, but is still less likely to work for me than for a "normal" patient.
Due to the unhealthy ovaries, my FSH levels are high for a woman my age, and I'm most likely to go through an early menopause. That one was rough to hear.

So, what's next? IVF. Yep, that's right, I, who am petrified of all things needle, am going to inject myself with numerous drugs and such for something that isn't even a guarantee.

We're going to wait until after the holidays and our trip to Ireland (yay)! Once that's all done, I'm going to go all health-Nazi - no more alcohol, caffeine, etc...I want my body to be the perfect environment for this potential baby. I don't want to screw this up. I have 2 shots at this (according to my insurance).

So, that's where I stand now. I'm handling this better than I thought I would. I'm actually more upset for the Barron I think it actually hit him yesterday what we're in for, and I can't help but feel terrible about this. I sometimes wonder if he knew this before we got married if he would have had second thoughts. I think I would have.