I just got off the phone with my mom. She's been telling people here and there about the pregnancy, (which is fine; I'm pretty much over trying to keep her quiet now) and everyone is reacting kindly. "She's so thrilled!", "She cried!", etc.
Then she asked me: "have you told anyone else yet?"
"Not really," I said. "I'll tell people when I see them".
Then I realized. I'm not really going out of my way to tell people. I could tell that she thought this was strange, but it's just how I feel. I am definitely excited, but I haven't gotten to the point of yelling and screaming and jumping around the house. Maybe it's the fear of something still going wrong, I don't know.
Also, and I know this sounds odd....I don't want to be defined by this pregnancy. Ever since I've told certain people about it, it's all they ask about:
"How are you feeling?"
"Are you excited?"
"Have you registered yet?"
I'm still me. Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm going to have a baby (God willing). But, I still work every day, still do my laundry, still watch TV and laugh with my husband. I'm still me, just with a little extra. Can we talk about something else, please?
Maybe it's the IF thing. I'm so used to being the infertile that this is just foreign to me. I'm still not sure how I should be reacting.
I kiss the sonogram picture on the fridge every day and read exerpts from the "pregnancy journal" to my husband on a nightly basis. I rub my belly and tell my baby how much we love it and can't wait to meet it every night. I look online at nursery furniture and bedding and strollers, but won't dare purchase a thing until at least the 2nd trimester...I do all of these things...I just don't feel like shouting it from the rooftops just yet. Am I the exception to the rule?