Thursday, May 1, 2008

The exception to the rule?

I just got off the phone with my mom. She's been telling people here and there about the pregnancy, (which is fine; I'm pretty much over trying to keep her quiet now) and everyone is reacting kindly. "She's so thrilled!", "She cried!", etc.

Then she asked me: "have you told anyone else yet?"
"Not really," I said. "I'll tell people when I see them".

Then I realized. I'm not really going out of my way to tell people. I could tell that she thought this was strange, but it's just how I feel. I am definitely excited, but I haven't gotten to the point of yelling and screaming and jumping around the house. Maybe it's the fear of something still going wrong, I don't know.

Also, and I know this sounds odd....I don't want to be defined by this pregnancy. Ever since I've told certain people about it, it's all they ask about:

"How are you feeling?"
"Are you excited?"
"Have you registered yet?"

I'm still me. Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm going to have a baby (God willing). But, I still work every day, still do my laundry, still watch TV and laugh with my husband. I'm still me, just with a little extra. Can we talk about something else, please?

Maybe it's the IF thing. I'm so used to being the infertile that this is just foreign to me. I'm still not sure how I should be reacting.

I kiss the sonogram picture on the fridge every day and read exerpts from the "pregnancy journal" to my husband on a nightly basis. I rub my belly and tell my baby how much we love it and can't wait to meet it every night. I look online at nursery furniture and bedding and strollers, but won't dare purchase a thing until at least the 2nd trimester...I do all of these things...I just don't feel like shouting it from the rooftops just yet. Am I the exception to the rule?


sara said...

You're not an exception, unless you and I both are. I have had the same reaction as you! We heard the heartbeat for the first time yesterday (we had seen it before, just not heard it). My friend said, oh did you cry? I said no, I just looked at the screen in disbelief! She looked a little dumbfounded. But I still have a little problem feeling like this is really happening. So I haven't been screaming it from the roof tops yet. But soon maybe we both will :-) I'm glad things are going well.

tam said...

Well, I have never been pregnant before, but I can't imagine I would be acting any differently. It's scary to let yourself believe you really, truly have something you've been wanting for so long. Even scarier to let other people believe it. It seems normal to me, especially for a thoughtful person.

I am so excited for you, though, and so glad all is well.

Tara said...

I can TOTALLY relate to this post.

sarah said...

I'm in the same boat and I feel EXACTLY the way you do. My sister got pregnant (she wasn't even trying) at the exact time I got pregnant after 2 years of infertility (we're both due in early December) and she NEVER even doubted that positive pregnancy test, she started telling people immediately, and she hasn't even seen a doctor yet! I feel like the infertility robbed me of that naive feeling of excitement. I don't want to be bitter, and obviously I'm thrilled to finally be pregnant, but I am afraid to get my hopes up.