Graduation Day

Went in for our second sonogram and final beta draw this morning. Everything is progressing nicely, and we saw a heartbeat! I swear that was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The RE printed out two copies of the sonogram (one for me and one for the Barron) and said, "this is your graduation certificate", meaning I'm done there. And, believe it or not, I have mixed emotions.

Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful to get released to my normal OB/GYN, but I have to say I'm going to miss those folks at the clinic. I have had nothing but a good experience with these people. Everyone (well, except for the receptionist) treated me with the utmost care and respect, and had the best possible bedside manner you could ask for. I have nothing bad to say about them and would recommend them to anyone on the East Coast.

After that, I came home and ate an entire bowl of macaroni and cheese. I'm having the weirdest cravings lately. It's not just one thing though - they come and go. All I know is, a mood will hit and I'll have to have whatever it is IMMEDIATELY. I'm trying to keep everything as healthy as possible, but sometimes I slip...hence the Mac & Cheese.

Official due date: December 19, 2008

Somebody pinch me...

Went in for beta this morning. Just got off the phone with Dr.:

"Hello, Sully...Congratulations, you have a positive test!"

Two positive pee sticks pretty much gave me the idea, but hearing it officially from the Dr. really sealed the deal. I'm pregnant. Just typing that is absurd to me! I didn't ask for the actual beta, because I figured I might obsess over it. I go in next Monday for follow up beta and sonogram.

So, now comes the part of telling people. This has been a convo that the Barron and I have been having over the past week. My parents are aware of everything and my Mom has been a constant source of support throughout this entire process. However, she has a case of "loose lips". She knows I'm going to find out today, but I've managed to hold her off until the weekend before I tell her. Hubby and I wanted to have some time alone to process the news, and I know as soon as I tell her, the secret will be out. We've worked so hard to get here, I'm not ready for everyone and their brother to know...especially since it's sooo early and there's a ga-zillion things that can still go wrong. Am I wrong for holding off? We're not telling anyone else, either, but this is not your usual "Surprise, I'm pregnant!" situation. Gah...so, even though I get the awesomest news ever, I'm robbed of the well-thought-out surprising of the family members.

So, I broke down and...

Holy crap.

Here comes the sun...do do dee doo...

It's amazing what a little nice weather can do for your psyche. It's 75 and sunny here today. I'm listening to good music, getting a lot of work done, and just got back from a pedicure. It's the little things...right?

On the IF front, the spotting issue is still status quo, but I'm trying not to make myself crazy. I have to attribute a lot of my recent calmness to my amazing and wonderful husband whose faith has not wavered and who refuses to let me put any blame on myself (a thing that I have a tendency to do frequently). I am trying to keep hope alive and just praying that my body has the courtesy to at least get me to beta without bleeding.

I also received the go ahead to move up my PIO injection tomorrow so I can go to see my Mets play the Brewers. Luckily, the nurse was a Met fan as well and understood my dilemma. Basically, I should give tonights shot about an hour earlier and then tomorrow's another hour or so earlier and then work my way back up to 8:30 over the next few days.

See Spot Run

Still spotting. Mostly brown (for now). Trying to hold on to hope while avoiding pee-sticks, although I've already moved on mentally to what I'm going to do after my negative beta, which I'm convinced will happen. Another round of IVF is for certain, but when? Working out and dropping about 20 pounds is definite. Drinking a few good beers is another one. Hoping this doesn't come to fruition, but need to be realistic while still hanging on.

Another question for you ladies. How important is timing on the PIO shots? The Barron and I try to do them at about 8:30 PM nightly. This Friday, (if I even get to Friday sans-period) we have tickets to the Met game and I'd really like to go, but administering an injection in a ballpark will be difficult, and I'm sure security will confiscate my syringe anyway. Would doing my injection in the early evening make that much of a difference? I'll be asking the nurses as well, but looking for some feedback.

Thanks for all the well wishes and good thoughts. It's much appreciated, believe me.

Prove me wrong

A few weeks ago, in this post Tara commented

Isn't it funny how we *know* when our body isn't doing something it's supposed to. Even though we can't actually SEE what's going on in there.

That has been my story for the past two years. Ever since I came off the pill, something has been up. I have gotten every period in approximately 26 days or so, with at least 3 or four days of spotting ahead of time. Usually the spotting starts out as a light brown and progressively gets darker.

It's getting darker.

Now, I know this could be part of the IVF process, and everyone is telling me to have hope, but I know my body, and I haven't been wrong yet.

Please God, prove me wrong. I want to be wrong so badly.

Well that was pointless

Brown spotting this morning - this always happens a few days before my period. It's like clockwork. I feel like a fool. Of course this wasn't going to work for me. Silly girl.

Step away from the pee sticks, ma'am. 6dp3dt

Ok, before retrieval, I promised myself that I would avoid POAS-ing. I didn't want to get all excited over a false positive, or be all depressed over an early negative (which I know I will, even though I like to say I won't.)

However, that was before I was aware of the pure HELL of the 2WW. Man alive, does this suck. I don't know if I can live like this for another seven days. That's right, beta is 4/14 - an entire week away. I'd love to remain blissfully ignorant for another week, blowing kisses to the embryo photo on my fridge, rubbing my belly for extra encouragement, and checking the toilet paper for any spotting; but at the same time, I can't take this wait.

Is it to soon? Should I wait a few days? Should I wait till beta? I need some talking down from the ledge!

*yes, another South Park pic - can you tell I'm a fan?

This post brought to you by the letters "P" & "O"

I can't poop. There, I've said it. Ever since the darn PIO shots started, it's progressively become more difficult. The retrieval and transfer have me bloated enough, and now I have all of this additional bloat. Surely, I can't be the only one, can I?

Apple juice, senokot, broccoli, spicy foods; you name it, I've tried it. Anyone have any suggestions out there, or do I just ride this out? Ugh.

Everything else seems to be going fine. Still feeling crampy on and off, but managing to get things done. The stress of the 2WW has been replaced by stress about my job. I found out on Thursday that I'm losing yet another client, and there may be one more that follows. This puts me back to a very minimal salary. Just for comparison, I was raking in the dough back in the fall with 8 clients - I am now down to 3. Scary and stressful. Trying to stay calm for the embryos, but I'm at my wits end with this job. Ugh. Figures when I finally get into the IVF thing, work goes to shit.

The waiting is the hardest part

I thought this phase would be the easiest. Less needles, no visits to the office, no sonos, no blood draws. Well, I was flat out WRONG. This sucks.

Here's a little background. I am an online marketing professional and am lucky enough to work from home. This has been extremely beneficial during this period, as I have been able to have a flexible schedule and continue working while having my feet up (I'm on my couch as we "speak"). However, not having the normal day to day co-worker interactions, meetings and general goings on of the work day leaves me alone with my thoughts, which is never a good thing.

I'm pretty much afraid to do anything at this point. Afraid to laugh, afraid to go to the bathroom, afraid to make any sudden movements. I don't want to give these guys anywhere to go but my uterus. I'm also obsessing over the fact that they were only 5 & 6 celled embryos. I was cool with it on Monday, but the longer I think about it, the more it bugs. I don't really feel much going on and I'm afraid it's a bust from the beginning. Argh! Stupid IF.

Three's a crowd

Got 2 5-cell and one 6-cell on board. They're not the greatest quality, but they're mine. Now we wait. Transfer was a breeze and I'm lounging on my couch watching opening day baseball. Stick embies, stick.

Hanging in there

All three embryos are holding on strong and "look good", so we're going in for a three-day transfer tomorrow morning. I'll be back to update as soon as I can - thanks for all the well wishes!

14 - 11 = 3

Ok, so I was right with the "questionable quality" of the 14 eggs. 11 weren't mature enough to fertilize, so that leaves us with three.

Three.

You know, leading up to this, I thought I'd be happy with three, but I have to say (and I hate myself for admitting this), the 14 eggs kind of got my hopes up. It's just that there's so many things that can go wrong between now and transfer. I just want to go to the lab now, and get those three embryos into my body so they can get their nourishment and grow. The lab says that they look good and transfer will most likely be Monday. They'll call again tomorrow with an update.

I know it only takes one, but I was hoping for some overflow to be safe. Stay strong for us embies! Please.

FOURTEEN? For real?

Retrieval this morning - 14 luscious eggs! Now, the doctor told me (and I'm sure) that a number of them are of questionable quality, but still - FOURTEEN! I can't believe it. I'm really discovering that it's the small accomplishments in IVF that can make your day.

All in all, the procedure went well. The Barron found himself a nice video, provided a sample and gave 'em a little pep talk. I was knocked out, so I didn't feel anything, but I think I made an ass of myself to the doctor and nurses post-procedure while coming out of my drug induced sleep. I pretty much acted like I do when I'm drunk. "Seriously, I just want to say that all of you are so wonderful. Everyone has treated me so great. I'm so happy" etc...guh. Now, I'm just a bit crampy and sleepy.

Now, we wait. Oh, and the Barron gets to stick a HUMONGOUS needle in my ass tonight. Great. Fertilize, eggies, fertilize!

Fert report tomorrow. Fingers and toes crossed.

Spank Tank

Back during Freshman year of college, my friend G had the most disgusting roommates I had ever met. One of them shared a bunk with G, sleeping on the bottom. This vile dude would cover the side of the lower bunk with towels while he was "doing his business" - hence, the spank tank was born.

I bring this up, because tomorrow, while I am having my eggs aspirated from my ovaries via a needle in my vadge, the Barron will be providing the clinic with the most important specimen of his life (no pressure, hon!). After discussions with the Barron about this process, I have determined that the spank tank from my college days would be preferable to the cold, bare room at the clinic.

Seeing as we live roughly an hour from our clinic, hubby has had to give all of his specimens in-house, rather than at home and transported via car. Back when we first started meeting with the RE, he had to use the room at the clinic for his analysis and commented on the lack of "appropriate material" to get his juices flowing (no pun intended). Oh sure, there are a few old Playboys a couple of Maxims, and some outdated DVD's, but come on - this stuff is important! We need to bring out the big guns here!

So, I have told the Barron to find the best "materials" that he can possibly find on the interwebs to bring with him. I want him to be as primed as possible so that we have the strongest, most virile swimmers available. He better enjoy this while he can.

(This posting was approved by the Barron - wouldn't embarrass him w/out clearing it w/him first! - Hope it wasn't offensive to any of you!) :)

Ripe and Ready

Trigger tonight! Retrieval Friday. Finish line in sight - hope I actually cross it!

The Fab Four

Sully: "So how many do you see"
Dr. C: "Four"
Sully: "Is that enough?"
Dr. C: "It will be."

Four growing follicles. Some folks have 17 - 20, others none at all. I'll take my four. I think I'll name 'em John, Paul, George and Ringo. Hopefully, these follies will be as successful as their namesakes!

The Dr. thinks I should be on stims for another day or so. Thank God, because I am OVER stims. And the funny thing is, it's not the needles that bug (good, considering that the needles will continue), but the damn reconstituting of the hormones. Reconstituting 8 vials of Bravelle/Repronex really starts to grate on the nerves (and eat up time)! Also, I have to say, my right arm is getting pretty angry at me for having all of my blood draws out of it...time to switch up to leftie, methinks.

Off to listen to some Beatles music - maybe the follies will perk up!

Moving right along

"It looks to me like your retrevial will be on Friday".....YEAH!

Still cautiously optimistic, but at least it looks like we may get to actually finish out this cycle. It's a small victory, but a victory just the same.

So, I've decided to get my little world organized this week in case I need a few days bedrest in the next week or so. First up is a little Spring cleaning, then some desk organization (I work at home), then getting rid of the clothes that no longer fit and are piling up on my chair by donating them. Other tasks shall be added, but you get the idea. I also need to get my laptop files organized in anticipation for the arrival of my new baby. No, I'm not that crazy optimistic to mean a human baby, I mean my shiny new laptop, which is scheduled to arrive later in the week! Woo hoo!

Feeling good today. Hopefully not jinxing myself by posting this.

Extra Help

I've always been an advanced learner. In elementary school, I was placed in the gifted program; in high school, the majority of my course load was AP classes, and in college, I took more Honors courses than not. I've never really had to deal with extra help (well, maybe in math), or what we here in NY know as "Regents Optional" classes....so this is all new to me.

The ovaries are getting put into detention. - they're still plugging along, but slooowly. Today's sono showed 5 eggs (or follies, not sure). I'm on the max dose of stims, so there's nothing more they can do except to split up my dosage. So, now it's one shot in the AM and one in PM, each w/4 vials. This does not bother me, as I'm willing to stick as many needles as necessary into my abdomen to make this work, but it sucks just the same.

Do they need a tutor? Maybe a little extra encouragement? I've started talking to them for chrissakes. "Just do me this favor and I'll be so good to you for the rest of my life...I swear". The RE keeps saying that my age works in my favor however (31), but how can that help when I have the ovaries of a slow - learning middle-ager?

I'd exchange all of those good grades back in the day to have these bad boys working as they should.

Walk, don't run

Saw yet another RE again today - think I've seen everyone in the practice by now. We're finally seeing follie development. Slow, but they're there. Told me not to panic. Not canceling (yet), but I'll probably be on stims for an extended period of time. "All you need are 3 follicles and 2 eggs and you still have a shot".

After coming out of the exam room, I ran into my original RE, whom I LOVE. He is the Director of the facility and only sees new patients and does the initial diagnostic testing (then passes you off to the IVF specialists). I was so happy just to see his face. Asked how I was, told him my frustrations, and he says: "It's still early, you'll probably be on stims for another 10 days or so. This is the issue with your body - we'll get it to work." I wanted to kiss him. Love that man.

So, waiting for the follow up call about my drugs. Thanks for all of your advice! I bothered the nurses today, showed them what I was seeing with the fluid loss and they told me that it wasn't a big deal - I have so many vials to mix that it's only natural.

Feeling much better today. I know it's still a long shot, but at least I'm still in the race!